Wrath of Betty by Erikson Steven

Author:Erikson, Steven [Erikson, Steven]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Science Fiction, Humour, Fantasy
ISBN: 9780765383907
Amazon: 076538390X
Goodreads: 28220781
Publisher: Tor Books
Published: 2016-10-18T07:00:00+00:00

FiVE

The man sitting at the Comms Station was frowning as he studied the small device in his hands. “Something went wrong,” he moaned. “Glitch. Run diagnostic … uh-oh, glitch designated Mondo Holy Fuck You’ve Done it Now.” He looked up. “It was all a mistake!”

Security arrived in the form of Nina Twice. Hadrian gestured. “Take this imposter to the brig. Oh and search him carefully and confiscate all his equipment.”

Nina hooked one hand under the imposter’s arm and dragged him off the bridge.

Hadrian returned to the command chair. “Tammy?”

“Oh dear.”

“Sir,” gasped Jocelyn Sticks, “look at Wallykrappe Planet!”

On the viewscreen, the planet, which had only moments before been a lifeless shade of milky brown over which dusty wisps of cloud scudded in frail threads, was now glittering like diamonds, strewn across every land mass.

“Hmm,” ventured Hadrian. “Now one wonders, is this deep past or the far future? Because either way, that’s not the Mall Planet we all knew, is it?”

Sin-Dour, now at the Science Station, said, “Captain, shipboard chronometer indicates that we are a thousand years in the future.” She turned to look at the planet. “Sir, the energy readings from the surface are off the scale.”

“Hmm again,” said Hadrian.

At that moment a bright white beam shot up from the planet, bathing the ship in a blinding, actinic glare.

“Oh crap,” said Tammy.

“Tractor beam!” shouted Jocelyn Sticks, struggling with the tiny toggle. “We’re, like, trapped!”

Time suddenly slowed down. Trying to stand, Hadrian fought against a strange force that held him down in the command chair. There was a second flash and a figure displaced onto the bridge, blurry as it moved without restraint to collect Tammy the chicken. It then placed some kind of hood over the chicken’s head, only to remove it again an instant later. Then the figure vanished, and time returned to normal.

Hadrian leapt upright. “Holy crap!”

Spark clanked to his side. “Master! Intruder! Here! Gone! Time Dilation Zone imposed, Temporal Bubble deployed!”

The door hissed open and the stranger from Comms reappeared, sprawled on the floor this time and dragging Nina Twice—also on the floor—as she held onto him by one ankle. The man’s eyes were wild. “Don’t go down there! That planet’s Off-Limits, No-Go-There, Verboten, Run-While-You-Can!”

Hadrian scowled. “You’re a temporal agent, aren’t you?”

“Just get us out of here!”

The chicken was now walking in aimless circles and although there was nothing unusual about that, Hadrian eyes narrowed on the creature. “Tammy?”

No reply.

“Sin-Dour, examine the chicken with your Pentracorder, please.”

She approached the chicken warily, and then held out her Pentracorder. “Captain, the skull of this chicken appears to be completely empty.”

“Well nothing new there,” Hadrian replied. “Calibrate to detect Neutratronic Emissions, including the ship-mainframe.”

“Yes sir. Uhm … nothing!” She swung to face Hadrian. “Sir, they’ve stolen Tammy’s brain!”

“Captain,” said Jocelyn Sticks, “the tractor beam’s gone!”

Hadrian activated the comms switch on the command chair’s arm. “Galk! To the Insisteon Chamber. We’re going down to the planet.” He turned to the robot guard dog. “Spark, keep Sin-Dour company here on the bridge. Buck, you’re with me.

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